OOPS!

So my sincerest appologies for not posting in ages, if anyone out in this great cyberspace really reads it, life has been a bit hectic lately... okay a lot, but I promise that I will try to jump back on this ship as soon as I possibly can =]

Trying to stay afloat...

This is going to be a quick one and not too exciting at that. This is my apology post stating that I am sorry I have not posted on here in forever! I have been in the midst of a crazy life for the past month or so. School is closing to an end and in the process everything is trying to fall apart on me. So I'm doing just what the title says, I'm trying not to drown. I'm sure everything will work out for the best here at the end, I'm just trying to hit this finish line running. So I promise I'll come back again soon when I have time sit down and write something of interest. That sounds good to me too haha. Take care until then!

The Touch: your hand and warm sand....

So this is it, the feeling that I've missed
A subtle kind of pain that keeps me from sleep
I try to explain how your touch drives me insane
And I can't spend a night without wishing I was with you

Still getting butterflies ever once in a while
Feelings exist, I'm falling
Twist on lust, a choice to care, a wish to touch

So... I'm gonna start this post tonight with a little story. In my creative writing class there is a guy (well actually there are many in there) I am going to call him Mason. We have critique groups and he was one of the members in mine. We were carrying on a conversation on Monday and for some reason he touched my knee. It was purposeful, a light squeeze I suppose, I don't find this man all that attractive to me personally but he's a nice guy, but when he did that I had the weirdest sensation run through me. I had missed that kind of touch. It wasn't necessarily a sensual touch but it wasn't exactly light and playful. The touch that you could imagine from a lover almost. The whole day I thought of that, of that feeling, of that touch. He hugged me today at the end of class after wishing me a great Spring Break. Our cheeks connected as our bodies melded into the embrace. The stubble of his 5 o'clock shadow felt almost like sandpaper against my cheek but not in a bad way. Once again I enjoyed the sensation and it stuck to me for a few hours after our embrace had ended.

I now see how sometimes things are easier to cope with if they never come back or if they come back when you are ready for them. Those things happened so suddenly and out of the blue that I never saw it coming and it hit me like a brick wall. Now... now I want that more then I did. Which almost brings me to the next...

Warm sand... Spring break.... HELL YEAH!!!! There I feel a little better. I'm actually going on a road trip with a dear friend of mine and we are going to hit the east coast. Road trip it actually. I need this. I need this spontaneous road trip that helps prove that my life isn't as boring as it feels right now. We all fall into that rut and this is our chance to climb out of it. No holds bard. (I might have spelt that wrong, my appologizes) I'm not going to do anything outragous I don't think but I'm going to pull down barriers and enjoy myself. Personally I am hoping to meet a cutie or two so that when I look back I can point at photos and say "Oh there's *insert name here* he was so much fun! We met him in Myrtle Beach and he showed us the town. He smelled great and had the cutest dimples when he smiled. I'll never forget that man" Something along those lines.

Either way I will let you know how things go when I return. I'm not leaving until Saturday but when I come home I will give you some of the interesting goodies that make this story of my life a little more interesting...

Older Men...

So let go, let go, jump in
Oh well, watcha waiting for,
It's alright
Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
Let go, let go, just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's alright
Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So you might have been looking at the title of this entry and are thinking what the heck, older men? Yup that's the topic up for discussion at the moment. I do appologize for the slight absense, I didn't forget about this place I just never seemed to have anything worth writing about. Well tonight I have older men on my mind so that's where we are going to start.

I don't know about any of you who are reading this blog entry (and if you happen to be a male maybe you will find this slightly interesting or entertaining, but at least you are forewarned on the topic) but I have discovered that I am attracted to older men. Now taken not all men I speak of are greatly older then myself, one happens to be only a few months older then myself but in general I like older men. Granted most of these men I speak of are about 5-10 years older then myself but there are a couple that are older then that. Like one for example is about 20 years older then myself.

Now this could go in either direction. Some might be saying, that's really gross he could be your father and some could be saying hell yeah rock on! I'm not sure what to think of it either way haha. He's a friend and I'm not saying I want to run off and marry the man but I am subtly attracted to him. He's a nice guy and he keeps me quite entertained. Now he doesn't know this, I don't think I will ever tell him, which I'm alright with but it helps the question.

Why are women attracted to older men? Why am I attracted to older men? Maybe that's the better question, who knows. Maybe its the idea that they have been around just a bit longer then you have been so there is this mystery about things that you don't know but he could. Of course mystery in any man is attractive. I'm pulled to those tall, dark attractive strangers and the infamous bad boy. Being a writer I always like some like them in my stories, I love creating their minds, the things they know and could teach! They are more fully mature usually physically and personally. I would say mentally but is any man truely mature? lol. Life would be boring if so! Some say I matured myself at a very young age so that could be a factor in this. I'm just trying to find someone at my own level.

I think another factor is that men of the older generations (now I should point out, while I am will not project my actual age here I am not that old. But I'm not young either. To shed a little light I will state this, I check the box that reads 18-25 on it) are more of the gentlemen type. Ok, that didn't sound exactly how I wanted it to. But I think that men older then myself seem to have things going well for them in all areas of the court.

If I have missed any good points, I'm sure I have I went through this quickly, feel free to help my keep the list updated! Any opinions are wonderful one! Take care all until the next time.

Strange thoughts from a late hour

Its funny how some nights I can look at the clock and it will read 3 am and I could swear it was 10 pm at the latest. The mornings after those nights are usually viscous and hurt the head. While tonight its going on just after 11:30 pm and I feel like dawn is closing in on my sore eyes. Yesterday in between classes I had come up with a wonderful entry for this blog. I wrote it at least twice in my head. Well as you can tell it never made it. And as most things that don't get written down I forgot everything I was intending to write.

Doesn't that always seem to happen? At least to me it does. I always joke that my mental list is malfunctioning. Which proves to be true most days. I think its mostly because I'm so scatter brained. I think a lot and I also will write things in my head as I go along with my day. When I was younger I would go for walks sometimes and I would verbally make a play and act out all the parts as I went through them. I started carrying a 'journal' around with me this year. Not a 'dear diary' journal but a thoughts journal thanks to the suggestion of my creative writing professor. I have already gotten many good things written down in there. Captured moments that needed to be caught. But I always wonder what happens to all the good little thoughts that slipt away. Will I ever catch those thoughts again or are they lost in the abyss of my mind for the rest of time?

As this day comes to a near close so shall this post that was quite short and almost pointless, but if there was no point whatsoever then nothing would be written here so for the point that is being made deep within these letters I shall let you delve into. And when my mind is functioning better I promise to put on here more depth and insight to this story as it unfolds...

Thoughts from a Saturday Afternoon

'Here we stand again
Another day has passed us
With its lack of change
And all we have is what we share
And all we want is someone else to be there'

For some odd reason, of all the songs I have listened to so far today those lines stuck out the most to me. Aren't they ever so true? Day after day passes us by and for the most nothing exceptional happens in between those daily passings. Think of it that way my life is usually truly boring.

Nothing worth of a memior; or at leat that is what I have decided after reading my 'homework' for one of my creative writing classes. Which seems to be the one class I truly get up and head off to college for.

While reading today something caught my attention that I thought I would share for no reason apparent to me at the moment. It is a poem by Anne Sexton:

Her Kind
I have gone out, a possessed witch,
haunting the black air, braver at night;
dreaming evil, I have done my hitch
over the plain houses, light by light:
lonely thing, twelve-fingered, out of mind.
A woman like that is not a woman, quite.
I have been her kind...

Take from that what you wish, I found it dreadfully fascinating. Last night there was a party in my apartment building. A house party if you wish to call it. I had an enjoyable sober time. No alcohol here, surprising for a college party? Very, but we pulled it off. In between the hours of getting ready, listening to the guys above me blare their music in semi-cheap speakers, and the party itself - which was mostly a group of people attempting to gyrate as one on a make-shift dance floor called hallways and stairwells - I debated what from that I could share or write about.

What does one say when nothing truly particular sticks out? What about watching my roommate and her boyfriend quarrel above the music while I, a not-so-recent single gal, craves to have someone of my own to dance along with looks on wondering why when one is in a relationship it is almost always taken for granted. It happens much too often as I see. My last relationship didn't end in such a pretty fashion, I could go on about my point of view of this mishap but I shall not. But I know that I am glad that is one part of my past I am finished with. I long for a relationship again but I do despise the thought of love, relationships and the like at the moment; which you wouldn't believe for how much I write and talk about it. Funny that thing called love which is also so cliche as I have realized in my writing class.

So as I sit here doing nothing too exciting I ponder why my everyday can't be one worthy of a memior or a piece of someone else's memory that would be interesting when brought up. Possibly I need to try harder or maybe I just need to think of new things to do with my time. Playing chicken in the busy streets of this large city I live in is an option... Oh the stories that could be had! I need to stop saying 'one of these days' and make it today or even soon. But like most, what you want to do and what you actually do can be scarily more opposed subjects then we would like.

Watch This Story Unfold...

So the first is always the toughest I suppose and I could see why. What do you say on the very first post of your very own blog? There are a lot of ways I could go about this if I really think about it. I could start by galavanting on some obscene thing that will make all turn away from here scratching their heads or I could try and state some highly intelligent thoughts to make you feel slightly less of a person then you once were. But neither of those sounds all too exciting to me at the moment. So here we go.

For inspirational writing purposes I will go by Mercedes. So, no that is not my real name and I'm not one of those people who dispises their real name so they use a fake one instead. I don't mind my name, its different in its own way; I can't complain. But as you will find out, I am a writer, or I like to consider myself one, and so why not use another name?

A quick run down of me... As mentioned I am a writer as well as a college student. I will get deeper into that part of my life as I go along I'm sure. I like to explain how I feel and what is going on in my head through lyrics so don't be surprised to see those pop up often here. I don't much want to bore you with about me statements, so I will scatter those in as I go.

Have any questions for me at any time ask away. I won't be afraid to answer any strange or outrageous questions that you can ponder up. Save a few that you could guess on. I am quite easy to get along with and am amused easily. Things on here might get crazy random, along with some of my lingo, hope you can catch on. And as evidence has shown things I saw do seem to be like a plague, you'll be using it before you know it!

My goal is to keep this updated regularly. Key word there: goal. But as things are always going on in this crazy head of mine, expect the unexpected! We'll catch you around!